Introduction Analysis (Two)
Who Will Love These Children?
Claire Safran’s introductory paragraph
for a story titled “Who Will Love These Children?” on page 42 in the
February, 2001 edition of McCall magazine, appropriately uses an emotional
story to
persuade the audience into action. However,
the effect is weakened by the use of statistics and poor word choice.
The
opening paragraph introduces us to a little girl named Kim.
This one-on-one personalization is a good approach because it allows the
reader to feel a personal connection to the story. It plays on the reader's emotions and shows that these aren't
just anonymous children. The
description of Kim, however, could be more effective.
The author's first sentence tells us only that Kim is "sometimes shy, sometimes playful." Who isn't? Readers may get a better sense of a child described as bashful or modest instead of shy. More descriptive words such as spirited or boisterous could also tell more about her playful side.
The author sums up the paragraph by offering a statistic. The numbers, however, are not startling enough to elicit an emotional response. The cold, hard facts here weaken what could be a heartfelt introduction to one of America's orphans.
By Patricia Schipmann, English 102 Online
| Comments: Notice how Patricia gives all of the necessary bibliographical information about the writer of the article. Notice also how she is looking at HOW the writer wrote the introduction, only discussing CONTENT when necessary to explain how. Notice that she quotes just enough from the article to make her point clear. And, finally, notice that she gives her opinion about the effectiveness of the writer's introduction. |
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