I–Search Collage

COVERT ALCOHOLISM

As I sit in the hospital emergency waiting room, my mind is cluttered with thoughts trying to figure out what my father's illness is. He had been so healthy for so many years, and all of a sudden illness was hitting him repeatedly. In the past several months, complications such as blood clots, spontaneous nose bleeds, lapse of memory, extended abdomen, and excitability had turned my father into a man I did not recognize. The death of my mother traumatized our family, but my father was the one who was our backbone and made us realize that life had to go on. Could his mourning have triggered all these illnesses? The waiting room is so cold and as I sit here alone, I anxiously anticipate the door opening and the doctor informing me that my father is fine. The doctor finally comes through the door; he seems to be moving in slow motion without any expression on his face.

"Your father is suffering from DT's so we will have to keep him overnight to stop the nose bleed and then you can make arrangements to transfer him to a hospital that can handle his situation," the doctor tells me coldly. DT's? Handle his situation? What on earth is this doctor talking about? The expression of confusion on my face must tell the doctor that I don't know what is going on. "You do know that your father has a drinking problem and he's trying to quit, don't you?" I can't even get an answer to come out of my mouth. As far back as I can remember I knew that my father took a few drinks daily to mostly cope with the stress of his job. I assumed this was his "medicine." There was no harm in a few drinks.

Generally, it is agreed that five or more drinks a day are excessive. Trouble begins when you start drinking alone, sneaking drinks, giving yourself a refill or stopping for a "quick one." What makes one an alcoholic is not always being able to control when you start drinking or when you stop. (Mothner & Weitz 172)

I enter my father's room thinking about how I am going to approach him. As he lies on the bed, he seems so fragile and weak from the blood loss; he doesn't even seem to be half the six foot four inch, broad shouldered man that he used to be. As I lean over his bed, he finds it hard to look me straight in the eyes as though he is ashamed of what the doctor has told me. Tears well in his eyes as he tells me that he thought he could handle his "problem" on his own; he never thought he was so dependent enough on alcohol that he couldn't quit without suffering withdrawal. At this moment, one of the hardest facts of life stabs me in the heart. My father is an alcoholic. And I didn't even know it. How could I have not known? How could I not have noticed any symptoms? We have been so close for so many years, how could he have possibly hidden this problem?

Alcoholism is especially difficult to recognize, much less treat, because many alcohol abusers are slow to admit that their drinking is a problem. Rather than face the problem, they deny it exists. (Halpert 22)

Alcoholism is not necessarily seen. I learned that covert, means "hidden or kept private" (Websters 525). A covert dependency on alcohol is, in my opinion, more dangerous than the obvious type. When there is a hidden dependency, you are unaware that there is a problem, thus you can't offer any help. And the problem persists and can become fatal.

The next few months following the doctor's prognosis of my father's alcoholism is what I call "living hell." Trying to understand exactly what is happening to my father's mind and body, I often fell asleep in his hospital room reading numerous articles on alcoholism. The DT's (delirium tremens) that the doctor referred to is a combination of agitation and anxiety during withdrawal. These tremors, or "shakes," are accompanied with rapid heartbeat, heavy sweating, rising temperature, nausea, vomiting, confusion, delirium, delusions, and hallucinations. Convulsions and death can also occur. (Mothner & Weitz 175)

During the withdrawal period, there are also numerous physical complications that occur. The liver takes a tremendous beating, along with the pancreas, heart, and brain. Diabetes, ulcers, swollen and bleeding gums, swollen glands, and dysfunctioning of the immune system are a few of the physical damages that occur. (Mothner & Weitz 170) Withdrawal symptoms are the clinical indication of dependence (Klerman 394).

The number one drug abuse problem in the United States is alcoholism. There is an estimated twelve million American adults that are addicted to alcohol. Alcohol is labeled the most dangerous mind altering drug because of the toxins that damage nearly all of the body's tissues and major organs. (Collins 3)

I'm wondering if my own sanity will ever be the same. The nurses have now restrained my father to keep him from injuring himself and others. Just watching him "swatting at monster insects", and "throwing cats out of his bed" is getting me to the point of wondering if I will survive along with him. The way he sees me now is the "mean nurse" that looks like someone he knows. He doesn't even recognize his own daughter. I can't even touch him without him beating on me. He sees my brother jumping from behind the chair to stab him; my deceased mother visits him and asks that he bring home some milk for supper. Oh God, will this nightmlare ever end? Will I be able to keep my strength and fight this battle for both of us? The doctor now informs me that my father is slipping into a hepatic coma. "There's nothing more we can do. We can't give him medication because of his liver damage," the doctor sympathetically tells me. As the doctor leaves the room, his final words are, "If you're a religious person - pray."

Although DT's have long been a basis of humor, joking about drunks who see pink elephants is far from funny. Alcohol is an addicting drug, and withdrawal from alcohol can be just as severe and life-threatening as withdrawal from any other depressant. (Mothner & Weitz 175)

If alcohol has such a devastating effect on the human body, then why do so many people drink? We hear too often the everyday excuses of "I have to drink to cope with life," or "I'm not hurting anyone by just having a drink now and then." So untrue. Coping with life does not require the use (and certainly not abuse) of alcohol. When you start drinking and can't control when to stop, you definitely are harming yourself and loved ones.

In addition to the devastating physiological, psychological and emotional effects of alcoholism, it is estimated that the cost of treating alcoholism is nearly 117 billion dollars yearly. The highest cost of alcoholism is the shattered lives of the alcoholic persons and those closest to them. (Collins 10)

The nightmlare has ended. Once very near death, my father has now returned to me with his senses and feelings intact. His doctor explains to him how close he was to dying. His body and mind seem almost regenerated. He weeps when I tell him of his hallucinations, and I show him the bruises I received from trying to hold him down in bed. Even though there is memory loss of the DT's and the hallucinations, he completely understands that giving up alcohol means a new life for him. He is given a second chance at life, which is more than a lot of alcoholics are given.

And those who resumed drinking have a mortality rate five times higher than you'd expect... (Zamichow)

My father tried to quit drinking by himself and with no guidance as to the consequences of long- term alcoholism. The lesson he learned is that to begin the process of recovery, an alcoholic has to admit that he or she has a problem (Halpert 24). How can you help a covert alcoholic? There's no such thing as being a little bit drunk or a few drinks a day won't hurt. If your loved one falls into one of these practices, you need to be very clear about the consequences of drinking. Let them know how bad off he or she is and it may motivate him or her to get help.

And now as I ponder on this terrible experience, I can't help but feel anger toward my own father. I am twenty-five years old and during those twenty-five years my father - my idol has been lying to me. All the values I cherish today are those lovingly taught by my father. How could he deceive me like this? He would always throw these cliches' at me: "Honesty is the best policy. What goes around, comes around. Do unto other as you would have them do unto you." I can't understand why he didn't "practice what he preached." But, through all the sorrow he has put me through, my love for him will never weaken. He is still my idol even much so today. He has won his battle with alcoholism. His problem is not a secret any more. I don't feel helpless now. I know how to help and support him. I will always remember his strong voice saying, "never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes." Whatever his reason to began drinking, I may never know or understand. The important thing now is that he understands that alcoholism almost took his life. He gives me a gift today. A small jewelry box with an inscription on top: TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IS THE GREATEST JOY ON EARTH.

WORKS CITED

Collins, Gary R., ed. Resources For Christian Counseling. Vol. 21. Chicago: Word Inc, 1989.

"Covert." Webster's Third New International Dictionary. 1971 ed.

Halpert, Felicia E. "Sobering Thoughts." Essence Nov. 1991: 22.

Klerman, Gerald L. "Treatment of Alcoholism." The New England Journal of Medicine 9 Feb.

1989: 394-395

Mothner, Ira, and Alan Weitz. How to get off Drugs. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1984.

Zamichow, Nora, "Study Finds Sober Alcoholics Regain Full Life Spans," Los Angeles (California) Times,

31 Jan. 1992: (Located in NewsBank [Microfilm], HEA, 12:B8, fiche).

ABSTRACT

Written documents tell us that ever since the Roman Era, society has been trying to minimize the danger of alcohol. Programs are now mediated to us to offer consultation to people who suffer from alcoholism. Programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous have succeeded in saving the lives of abusive drinkers. However, there are alcoholics who do not expose their problem, and thus keep a covert dependency on alcohol.

This research paper defines what a Covert Alcoholic is and what happens when an alcoholic believes there's no harm in hiding their disease. My personal experience with my father's alcoholism, along with research, inspired me to write this paper in hopes of informing the reader of this unrecognized disease.

— Sandy Hicks, English 102, Fall, 1992

Return to English 102 Syllabus

Return to Research Table of Contents