Student Examples of Writing Exercises Five and Six

Writing Exercise 5

In a mad panic, body shaking, forehead beading, I woke feeling sick at the thought of being late for the first day of my second chance in life: college. Aimlessly, I ran around trying to find the clothes I wanted to wear. I must have changed clothes three times. My hasty breakfast consisted of a glass of milk, a doughnut, and a kiss goodbye from my wife as I rushed out the door.

Tires squealing, engine rumbling, I backed my frost-covered car out of the driveway like the Indy pace car had just let the race begin. I drove as fast as I could without killing myself or being arrested by the police. I arrived and, of course: nowhere to park. I finally found a place to park, ten minutes later.

I glanced at my watch and the mad panic started all over again with just three minutes remaining before class. Up the elongated stairway I ran with a vengeance, my legs striding for the next step, arms pumping as I gasped for air. I reached the classroom with just enough energy left to carry me to the nearest seat. My body standing tall, voice bold, it came time to introduce myself. From this point on, all my apprehension and fears of college disappeared.

Meta-Narrative:

I struggled to find instances throughout my narrative to use adjectives that would reveal something important to the reader. It would have been very easy to add adjectives here, there, and everywhere, yet they would lack any true meaning. I did manage to use two adjectives in two of my sentences. For example, "My hasty breakfast consisted of a glass of milk, a doughnut, and a kiss goodbye from my wife as I rushed out the door," and "Tires squealing, engine rumbling, I backed my frost-covered car out of the door..." both reveal the panic I was in. "Hasty breakfast" implies that I had no time to eat. "Frost-covered" implies that I had no time to warm my car.

— Stephen Salyers, English 101, Spring, 1993

Writing Exercise Six: Student Examples

In a mad panic, body shaking, forehead beading, I woke feeling sick at the thought of being late for the first day of my second chance in life: college. Aimlessly, I ran around trying to find the clothes I wanted to wear. I must have changed clothes three times. My hasty breakfast consisted of a glass of milk, a doughnut, and a kiss goodbye from my wife as I rushed out the door.

Tires squealing, engine rumbling, I backed my frost-covered car out of the driveway like the Indy pace car had just let the race begin. Driving as fast as I could without killing myself or being arrested by the police, I arrived and, of course: nowhere to park. I finally found a place to park, ten minute later.

Glancing at my watch, the mad panic started all over again with just three minutes remaining before class. Up the elongated stairway, running with a vengeance, my legs striding for the next step, arms pumping as I gasped for air, I reached the classroom with just enough energy left to carry me to the nearest seat. My body standing tall, voice bold, it came time to introduce myself. From this point on, all my apprehension and fears of college disappeared.

Meta-Narrative 6

When I write I tend to use participle phrases frequently. In one sentence I used several participle phrases, for example: "Up the elongated stairway, running with a vengeance, my legs striding...." I changed "I glanced at my watch" to "Glancing at my watch." I feel adding the participles changes the moment from a casual perspective to a more hurried perspective, increasing the action, movement, etc.

— Stephen Salyers, English 101, Spring, 1993

Included in this workbook, so far, are three of Stephen's writing exercises: 4, 5, and 6. I think it is worth the effort to take a close look at these stories and see the kinds of changes he has made and the reasons he gives for making them. Read his explanations and see if you can make sense out of them without reading the stories. See if you agree with the reasons he gives for making stylistic changes in the stories.

Go to Examples from Edwin Way Teale

Go to Exercise Seven

Return to Exercise Six

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