Sober Reality

                                                            Abstract

          Alcoholism is a disease that literally took over my life.  I was completely out of touch with my feelings, and with reality.  I turn ed to alcohol because I wanted to escape the pain certain circumstances had caused me in my life.  However, the numbness wore off, and I realized that the pain was still there.  The only way to overcome the pain was to face it, and I did.  I wrote this paper in hopes that someone else who has this disease might take strength in my journey to sobriety, and realize that alcoholism can be overcome.

          “Hello.  My name is Tina, and I am an alcoholic.”

          Wow!  Those are words I never would have imagined uttering across my lips, but three years ago, I did.  Those were the first words I finally spoke after checking myself into a rehabilitation center for alcohol and drug abuse.  Alcoholics are those people who are “unable to control their drinking and become dependent on alcohol”  (Cavendish).  I was so weak.

          Each person feels helpless in the face of the disease.  When you feel helpless,

          you  can’t feel very important.  You wonder what is wrong with you.  You lose

          the most  important thing you need to stay mentally healthy---your belief in your

         own worth. (Shuker)

          Life had dealt me some pretty rotten cards.  “Alcoholics usually start drinking to relax and to forget about everyday problems,” as I did (Cavendish).  I had had a disastrous first marriage at the age of nineteen that ended in divorce after only eighteen months when the man I thought I loved became abusive in all aspects of the word.  I spent years in the courts fighting for child support for my son (the one good product that did come from my marriage).  At age twenty-five, I lost both of my parents to cancer, and I found myself completely alone except for my five- year- old child.  I drank because “the most important action of alcohol is that on the brain and central nervous system where it acts as an anesthetic” (Pittman).  Anesthetic is defined by Webster’s to be “lacking awareness or sensitivity,” or “something that brings relief” (85).  I drank to numb the pain I was feeling, rather than to experience and deal with it.

          At age thirty, I remarried, which has turned out to be the best thing I have ever done.  My drinking, though, caused great turmoil in the early stages of our relationship.  I took advantage of the fact that I had someone else to be strong, so that I could be weak.  Suddenly, it seemed as though all the things I had been through in my life were staring me right in the face all over again, and I just simply couldn’t look.  I hadn’t gotten through the hard times in my life or put them to rest at all; I had ignored them.  So, I closed my eyes, held my nose, and ignored them some more.  Alcoholism is “a disease caused by the repeated ingestion of large quantities of alcohol” (Rothenberg).  One year later, I found myself drinking sixteen to eighteen beers a day, and not only ignoring my past, but my present, and my future.  I wasn’t living; I simply existed.

          ‘ Alcoholism is like a thief in the night.  It can steal up on you and seize your life,

            liberty, and pursuit of happiness before you comprehend what has happened,’ wrote

            former U.S. Senator George McGovern in his 1996 book Terry: My Daughter’s

            Life-And-Death Struggle with Alcoholism. (Peacock)

In one of the few sober moments in my life at that time, I realized that alcoholism is a disease that I have and that I had to seek help before something even more awful happened.

          Alcoholism is a terrible disease.  The alcoholic is driven to drink more and more.

          The drug begins to harm his or her health…if it is not stopped, alcoholism can

          cause death. (Shuker)

          Thanks to God first, wonderful doctors and nurses, a loving, patient husband, a remarkable teenage son, and my own courage, I know now that strength comes from within, not from a bottle, and that “alcohol dependence is far from a hopeless situation” (Bruno).  However, I also now know that “an alcoholic is always an alcoholic; even after years without a drink, the danger is still there” (Cavendish).  Therefore, I have, and must continue to refrain from drinking alcohol.

          In the case of an alcoholic person, when [he or she] becomes sober and

          understands the troubles [that] drinking has caused…[he or she] is responsible

          for making every effort to remain abstinent. (Peacock)

I am a loving, devoted mother of four, and a good wife.  I am a bright college student excelling in all of my classes with an “A” average.  I haven’t drunk for three years; I don’t plan to, I don’t want to, and most importantly, I realize that I don’t need to.  I can play whatever cards life deals to me instead of throwing in my hand.  I know that God will never give me more than I can handle.  I know that now.  I am strong.

          “Hello.  My name is Tina, and I am a recovering alcoholic.”

                                                                    Works Cited

Bruno, Frank.  The Family Mental Health Encyclopedia.  New York: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 1989.

Peacock, Nancy.  Drowning Our Sorrows: Psychological Effects of Alcohol Abuse.  Philadelphia: Chelsea

     House Publishers, 2000.

Pittman, David.  Alcoholism.  New York: Harper & Row, 1967.

Rothenberg, Robert.  The New American Medical Dictionary and Health Manual.  New York: Penguin

     Putnam Inc., 1999.

Shuker, Nancy.  Everything You Need to Know About An Alcoholic Parent.  New York: The Rosen

     Publishing Group, 1990.

The Marshall Cavendish Encyclopedia of Health.  New York: Marshall Cavendish Corporation, 1991.

Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary.  Massachusetts: Merriam-Webster Inc., 1990.

Tina Holley                                     ENG102-0140                             3/10/2002

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