Babies are Just like People

by Vanessa Swenk

            At the hospital where my son was born, the nurses always played a little “baby-care” video for new parents before they could be discharged. I had attended the other classes that they offered during my pregnancy and had years of experience volunteering in a nursery, so I watched the video with only half interest. I felt confident that I already knew it all. Then something I heard struck me. The demonstrator on the video said,  “Babies are just like people….” That may not seem like such an unusual thing to say at first glance, but when I really thought about it, I realized that many times in our society we really do not think of babies and children as “people.” They are something, usually considered special, worthy, and valuable, but not exactly on the same level as us.  I immediately disagreed and laughed aloud when I heard that statement coming from a “professional.”  Babies are not just like people. Babies are people.  Children are people. They have feelings. They have their own wants and needs.

Adults usually find it easy to provide infants with what they need. Then as the infant grows and begins to become more and more interested in the world around her and becomes more capable of exploring that world alone, the parent tries harder and harder to keep the child "in-line."  “Get over here!” “Shut your mouth,” “I told you to…now you better…,” and “You are so stupid” are all things we have either heard or said to a child, but how often do we say these things to our friends? Our spouses? Why is it okay to degrade or humiliate these special, valuable, worthy creatures? Why would a parent say to a friend that they would do anything for their child, turn around and call that child a pest in the same breath?  I believe it is because on some level parents feel that children are not people. They feel that children are an extension of themselves.  That if a child’s wish, whether unreasonable or reasonable, goes against the parents then it is some sort of insult and must not be tolerated.

Why do we like our friends? I like mine because they listen to me. They accept me with out judgment. They will give advice if asked but do not layer it on without an invitation. I can trust my friends with my soul and know that they would never betray me. Parents are often not so respectful and decent to their own flesh and blood. Children cannot be reasoned with, they do not always think the way we do, they are small, they know less about the ways of the world, and they do things we would never do, but they are people.  They deserve to be treated with respect. The two year old who goes into a tantrum because he wants to go to the library after it has closed may get on a parent’s last nerve, but the child still has the right to feel disappointed. It does not matter to the child that it is out of the parents' control to make something happen and no amount of reasoning will console the inconsolable. However, a simple acknowledgement of feelings, saying, “I see that you are disappointed. It can be upsetting when…” can do more in reassuring a child than all the nagging or yelling in the world.

Infants and children are amazing wonderful people who can be lovable and huggable or can be frustrating and unreasonable.  It is our job as the adults, parents, teachers, and caregivers of society to ensure that these special people are granted the same level of patience, respect and dignity that we offer each other.  Though we may not always understand or approve of a feeling or behavior, we should not resort to hurtful language or actions to stop it. They have good days and bad days; they make mistakes and need guidance. They are after all only human. 

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